“I can’t find any qoute that shows how much mad I am now” -Anonymous
Wednesday June 1, 2016 5:13 am
Thousand Oaks, California
There’s a name for girls like me and that name is “serial killer”.
And I’ll tell you why.
Because I woke up feeling so angry, so pissed-off, so irritable, so overwhelmed, out-of-sorts, anxious, jittery, restless, discontented and HOWLING MAD I really wanted to kill somebody.
Nothing’s right. And I mean not one single thing.
Case in point: it’s the ass crack of dawn, 5: 45 a.m. and it’s already light out.
What the fucking fuck?
Who messed with my lighting?
Coffee in my Harley-Davidson mug? Checkmark. Smokes? Checkmark. Pen and paper, birds quietly twittering, sleeping universe…check, check and check.
What’s with the sky?
WHO FUCKED WITH MY DARK?
Mon. Dieu. It’s going to be a long-ass day.
And there’s only one thing to do.
Live through it.
And if I’ve learned one thing in my 24 years of recovery from…every god damn thing…it’s that there’s really not much I can do to get out from behind the Angry Eight Ball.
Except move it the hell out of the way.
So I can get to the bathroom and pee.
Actually. That’s not true. I’m just in a bad mood.
So…from my grumpy, I-just-want-to-bitch-slap-someone, blah, blah, blogging and recovering heart, a list:
10 Ways To Hump It Through An Angry Day So Everyone Makes It Out Alive. Including You.
- Pray for Courage, Strength, Wisdom and Grace. Yours and that of the motherfucker who pissed you off as well.
- Feelings are Not Facts. They’re Farts. They Pass. I’ve never died from being angry. Even though there have been times I was sure that I would. I’ve also never committed a felony because of it either. Even though I was sure that I wanted to.
- This Too Shall Pass. Alternate version: “Tomorrow Will Be a Better Day”. Whatever. Pick your platitude. Point being: you won’t always be angry.
- It’s Stupid Time. I’ve made some of the worst , if not THE worst, mistakes, on days when I was angry. Problems can have puppies. And the gestation period is approximately the blink of an eye. I’ve learned to use restraint in what I say and do in spite of (and despite) feeling angry.
- Get Buzzed. In a good way. I’ve never found any other way to effectively expend the negative energy created by anger than by doing something positive. This is a magical thing. So find your rabbit and yank it out of it’s hat.
- You’re Not Ok and It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok. This only took me 51 fucking years to figure out.
- Don’t. Press. Send. Just. Don’t. Not today. (This applies to all forms of unpleasant communication; digital, verbal and non-verbal. You can’t unring a bell. You just cannot. No matter how many times you say “I’m sorry”. Trust me on this one.)
- It’s Going To Be Ok. It always has been. It always will be. Remember the last time you were spitting mad?
- Promise. It passed. You’re still here.
- Yes. I’m Sure. And I’ll tell you why. Because I am too.